Autumn Leaves

  

Tell me how much you like me. Tell your hands to feel my heartbeat if you scent my breast.

 

I can feel how the weight on my shoulders disappear when you breathe next to my pale skin. Do you want to go deeper?

 

Missing piece of my puzzle do not rush, I like how it goes.

 

Can I let my walls come down… tonight?

 

If this is momentary, I don’t want it. I want infinity.

 

Kisses takes me higher. I don’t want to resist when the witnesses disappear.

 

I just need to feel this time it’s right.

 

If the night comes down, don’t stop. I have being waiting for this. Can you tell?

 

Make this worthy, make me feel desire, make me feel safe.

 

I promise you I won’t get enough, I will ask for more.

 

Hug me on my highs, and let me see who you truly are.  

 

Are you real?

 

I’m the perfect target for a hunter, that’s why I leave before the sun comes.

 

Your greens shows a deep soul in blue clothes.

 

Let me in, and you will get the best. 

 

Why you despair? You’re leaving this sharp without a chance of revert?

My Holy Week

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This year I decided to go to Arizona, specifically Tempe (a city near to Phoenix). I called my trip “spiritual retreat”.

Many people claim to be religious but at the end, we are all sinners, no one is perfect.

I always try to spend my Easter in the most respectful possible way.

A lot of people said “Arizona, Why that desert?”, there were totally wrong. The weather was the first thing that surprised me, it’s delicious, a thousand times better than Florida. It is cool in the mornings, warm on the afternoons (without being stuffy) and at night, deserves just a light sweater.

Of course the sun is quite strong and the body craves industrial quantities of water but, I’m in love with that place.

The houses are brown and sand color; highways are stunning; the sky it is a perfect blue and clear all the time.

I saw a lot of Mexican influence (I liked that tourist places display the information in English and Spanish). The food was delicious (I went to a place called Oregano’s twice, its Italian food and serve a “pizza cookie” that is to die for).

On this trip I relaxed myself and disconnect from the routine (I think sometimes this is a must).

I have friends over there so, I met them. They are from Saudi Arabia.

Spending my Easter among Muslims was kind of interesting, and I think I had never felt so understood and supported in my faith like this time, they respected my believes. One of them told me I was the first Hispanic person he met who was serious about religion.

I think people take their religion on their own way, we all have different ways to bring our faith out.

The purpose of this trip was to connect myself with the energies of the earth, with my own energies, and what better place than the Grand Canyon for this. After driving 4 hours or more, we made it. I was feeling blessed and grateful for been there, “God, thank you for letting me see this, and I feel lucky.”

I sat down on one of the cliffs and I started to think, reflecting and letting go (yes, letting go one more time).

I will share my thoughts at that place:

1. If a person is not afraid of losing me, why I have to be afraid of losing him?

2. If I say “I miss you” is because I really mean it.

3. God, I put myself in your hands.

4. Two words can summarize what I have learned in my life so far and have served me a lot: “keep going”. Because everything happens for a reason and nothing is eternal.

5. Have friends that are not your same age. Meet people who are not from your same social class. Invest some of your time in people who have a different culture than yours, people who speak another language or have another religion. This is how you see the world. This is how you grow as a human being.

One of the lessons from the Dalai Lama was: “Once a year, go someplace where you’ve never been before.”

Thank you Arizona for my spiritual search 2015

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Too little too late

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Hi … How are you? I heard you’re dying… and now you just remember who Am I?

My hands are stained of you … What does it feels to be on the other side? Your wound is bleeding and seems it is not going to stop, you are about to bleed out … Should I help you? How can I do it for you when you didn’t do it for me?

You shout for a love you couldn’t prove and now, look at you; I got tired of waiting… You went after her, I know, they told me, and now you’re coming asking for forgiveness? I knew this day would come, I knew you’ll start to love me as soon as I tell you I discovered how I look in someone else eyes. Do you really think you can do this now?

You’re saying you need me by your side, but babe, don’t lie, don’t forget that I know you well and I know you just want what you cannot have.

Sorry I cannot say your pain is my pain now, he is here now and he is making me smile. I don’t want to see how you burn… go away, and to be honest, I like the way it hurts you every time you breathe.

Remember the day you stabbed me? I was just passing by and I saw you; I saw you in another girl arms and at night you wanted to get into my bed like nothing happened. Until that day I let you hurt me, that day I realized you didn’t love me and I left.

You will go through your life like a lost soul, and when you try to get back to my path, you will be surprise when you find out that there will be no reward, you are not worthy of me and you will find I’m more unreachable for men like you.

I am no longer that silly girl you can control, your lies doesn’t work anymore, my love passed away, and I decided to walk away.

It was only a matter of time

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You’re like those high fevers that only attack at night and did not go down with the warmest of the baths, I’m starting to convulse.

Do you realize how you make me sweat? I’m dehydrated. Come here and stop this, It’s began to consume me, you’re burning me. Come a little closer, I promise I will not to hurt you.

I have come and gone down to this road many times, you cannot imagine how many, I already lost the count. 

I’m used to saying goodbye …

What I am feeling for you? … I do not know, but, why you want to know that? There is nothing you can do. I cannot define my feelings for someone who shares with another person what makes me dream.

I’m standing beside you because I want you to keep making me happy … you elevate my endorphins so high that when you leave, I have to look for that little blue pill to bring me back to reality without remembering what happened.

I stopped looking and came unbidden…

The last time I heard my beating was so long that I no longer feel his scent on my skin. You are giving my skin a new color, not even my own same type of blood could get me so high.

You should had arrived before our differences were others.

I do not want to feel what doesn’t have continue. I like how you erase memories that no longer need to maintain.

I can feel your heartbeat when your skin touch mine, you always feel so hot between my legs, between those white sheets that appear to have memories of previous nights.

Your hands on my hips invite me to the most unearthly passions.

Karma

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When I met you, I saw you were a sinner, I always knew you were not the dream guy but I fall for you instantly. I knew that loving you I was making a huge mistake but, you were my first best mistake.

Then I met him, he came and fixed my soul, I was broken…he did a good job. He killed those demons that you left behind, but just momentary because you came back.

We live apart today, not even in the zip code, my soul keep asking for you, I feel alone in these walls and my heart is beating your name… Do you even know who you are?

I don’t know why you picked me that night on that birthday party. You were the first guy I loved the most.

We are so differently perfect when we are just us, sometimes I pray to God for you to not find another love but at the same time, I know you are bad for me.

 I just want to hold your hand and walk like those couples that are in love… Are we? Do you feel like I feel?
Your smile follows me every were I go, I can smell your sent on my skin, you never touch me as I want it, we never had the chance… How does it feel if we become one? I know my skin wants you, I know my hunger only can be calm by you.

I don’t want to keep looking, I know what I want…YOU!

I know you more than you think, I can tell you are hurt inside, you just try to hide yourself behind that mask of rudeness.

You are the devil, I am the angel that bring peace to your nightmares… and I don’t feel scare of letting you in.

A cold letter

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Put your hand on her chest, can you hear that sound? It’s broken!  She is my best friend.

I never felt alone by your side, just my pillow and I know about this. You were always the friend who made my teenage dreams true. I never dared to talk about this because I found out this when I was away.

Sometimes I hear “I was lucky to marry my best friend,” that draws a mischievous smile on my face and automatically, I think of you … but at the same time, I think on: Do I want him to kiss me? How does it feel to be protected by him?

I don’t know if this is because I’m in my 30th, but I will confess: I would like to see if it feels right. I am the one that falls in love when it feels correct, not when I feel alone. For my cold days, I just have to choose.

I like when we are never agree and then you do it just to please me, I like how you make a point with my love life (especially my kind of addiction with Arabs), with some of my music (yes, I like Justin Bieber), and I like how you make fun of my curly hair.

You said I’m not the same, but I am, we are just in different paths right now. It took me a while to find out my way and discover who I am. The ink on my skin tells the story that made me the woman I am today… and you know to who I own who I am.

I was a coward for not telling you when you hugged me before I left.

Maybe I left to be found?