Unapologetically me…

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This morning while I was in someone else empty room drinking some carrots+apples+ginger juice, I realized that I have not wash my hair in 4 days…

Why and how things like this are happening to me lately? Is this a sign of not taking care of myself or is just busyness (is that a word?). Am I forgetting to take care of myself while I’m here trying to figure things out?

Later that day when I was walking home with my hands full I started to think another subject… “when did I start living like this?” Always packed. What happened with my easy life where my only concern was “what I am going to do this weekend?”. It is not just that, I’m walking like someone who walks without any hope…did I lose my hopes on my dreams?

Another question pops: “when did I stop living in a crowded house to live in an empty space?”. Every night, when I get home I always say “hi home” and every time I walked in, is like those words are a desperate howl to pretend I’m alright.

I’m not young to wait but I’m old enough to understand that I need to feel that I’m holding to something certain; I cannot keep living not knowing… that gives me wrinkles.

I’m running out of time, I need to be on safe grounds… I do not want to keep going to bed feeling afraid…it aches.

Suddenly and just like that…before falling asleep, I cried.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. If it provides even meagre comfort, Im at the exact opposite and feel just the same. I belive it was Borges “dont get lost in the labirynth of the straight line” Im quite sure that is mispelled.. We are all lost. At least you are brave enough to try finding your way. There is a beautiful song by Bob Dylan, a part says “the only thing I was ever good at was keep on-keeping on” Lets do that, lets keep on. 🙂

    1. bellafilippi says:

      Thank you so much for your words. I will take a look to that song. Yes, we must keep moving forward

      1. Songs name is “tangled up in blue” I seem to recall.

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