A Page From My Diary…

I’m here sitting on this bench, listening to the birds and the waves, meditating about you, reflecting about your words and feeling each one… but in silent.

I want to write this for you, even if you never read it.

I have not stopped thinking about the “I Love You” you pronounced this morning when you call me to say hi and asking how I am today.

I will be honest with you, I’m feeling terrible, I’m the worst person in the world because I know how does it feel to say it and not getting an answer…my scars still remembering the emptiness and the deception, I do not want you to feel like that.

I’m sorry… I’m a total coward. I’m scared of feeling pain again, I’m scared of officially, and out loud, letting you in… are you going to hurt me too? Are you going to leave too?

When I was thinking of you and trying to figure out a way of saying “I’m sorry”, something told me that I cannot be afraid my whole life, that I need to trust, and if I want to have with you all for what I have been praying for… I need to stop sabotaging my life and just believe in you.

I believe in us, I do believe in this, but I have ”been there, done that” that usually makes me doubt.

You are a good man, my friends love you, my sister loves you, you make me happy, and if you are capable of loving me with all my craziness and difficulties (I know I’m not easy)… I should stop being an asshole with you and just tell you…

I love you too.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Some guy is really lucky to have you in his life!

    1. bellafilippi says:

      Thank you so much ♥️

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