I can’t believe I’m writing this, I was always afraid of this day and now the time has come.
The nightmares are not going to hunt me anymore, I was never ready for this, but who is? I’m not sleeping well since I got that call that Tuesday morning, I cannot believe you are not longer here. You were the key of my life… Grandpa I’m going to miss you.
Today I’m struggling to accept my new reality, I wish I can go to my secret place and disappear for a few days but I need to keep myself away from that kind of drugs.
Yesterday I took a walk on than cold sand to understand what happened. No one told me this pain could be so hard to breathe, I feel my heart is numb and I cannot think clearly anymore.
I decided to publish this today because today I suppose to give thanks.
I’m thankful for having you, for have been call “The General’s Granddaughter”. I’m thankful for my amazing childhood, all my trips to the beach, to the mountains, thanks to you I can say I know my country. Thanks for all those Disney movies when we were kids, all the barbecues on Sunday. I’m the woman I am today, thanks to you, you told me how to fight and never give up. You gave me the most precious memories… I had the best Grandpa.
When you were in the hospital, I started to feel this hole in my chest, I was feeling like someone was tearing my life in million of pieces.
You taught me how to take care of my car, you trust me your precious car, you show me how to manage money, you even try to teach me how to cook like you.
Now I’m here in the middle of the night writing this for you, grieving the loss of you.
Even when I feel my world seems a little less vibrant without you in it, Grandpa I will always going to love you and never forget about you. I never told you, but I did that tattoo close to my heart because that is where you have been since forever and where you always going to be.
I know this is not the end. I know I will see you again someday, not now, but soon enough.
Someday, I will hear you asking me again “where are you going?” and I will sneak through the back door so you cannot see me leaving.
I promise you I will keep talking to you every night when I light a candle on your name, I will keep asking for your guidance. You were the most amazing grandfather I could have ever asked for.
I love you so much and I will miss you every day.