Until we meet again…

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I can’t believe I’m writing this, I was always afraid of this day and now the time has come.

The nightmares are not going to hunt me anymore, I was never ready for this, but who is? I’m not sleeping well since I got that call that Tuesday morning, I cannot believe you are not longer here. You were the key of my life… Grandpa I’m going to miss you.

Today I’m struggling to accept my new reality, I wish I can go to my secret place and disappear for a few days but I need to keep myself away from that kind of drugs.

Yesterday I took a walk on than cold sand to understand what happened. No one told me this pain could be so hard to breathe, I feel my heart is numb and I cannot think clearly anymore.

I decided to publish this today because today I suppose to give thanks.

I’m thankful for having you, for have been call “The General’s Granddaughter”. I’m thankful for my amazing childhood, all my trips to the beach, to the mountains, thanks to you I can say I know my country. Thanks for all those Disney movies when we were kids, all the barbecues on Sunday. I’m the woman I am today, thanks to you, you told me how to fight and never give up. You gave me the most precious memories… I had the best Grandpa.

When you were in the hospital, I started to feel this hole in my chest, I was feeling like someone was tearing my life in million of pieces.

You taught me how to take care of my car, you trust me your precious car, you show me how to manage money, you even try to teach me how to cook like you.

Now I’m here in the middle of the night writing this for you, grieving the loss of you.

Even when I feel my world seems a little less vibrant without you in it, Grandpa I will always going to love you and never forget about you. I never told you, but I did that tattoo close to my heart because that is where you have been since forever and where you always going to be.

I know this is not the end. I know I will see you again someday, not now, but soon enough.

Someday, I will hear you asking me again “where are you going?” and I will sneak through the back door so you cannot see me leaving.

I promise you I will keep talking to you every night when I light a candle on your name, I will keep asking for your guidance. You were the most amazing grandfather I could have ever asked for.

I love you so much and I will miss you every day.

Rain is a good thing…

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Here we were, touching the flames of fire. I was hanging close to your chest, getting burn. Is that the other side? Did I cross it?

A part of me got tired but my heart wants me to keep fighting.

Am I fading away? I cannot see the true colors anymore but he wants to show me what I have been missing. Should I care?

I used to believe we were something unique, we had the dream that a lot of people wish to live. But baby I’ve passed the end, you didn’t let me love you as I lied to myself about you.

After that Monday night, I have been driving to where I might belong but the road still not as good as ours and the rain in the middle of the desert is a good thing when you are not allow to feel. I will stop for coffee before heading there and make you immortal.

I might light some smoke and let it go through my window when the highway gets clear to press the gas and disappear.

Sometimes I wonder if I will remember your face when we start our new lives. Sometimes I wonder if your bed tells you every night how I don’t talk about you as you asked.

Hearts are beating, you cannot lie on that, you were inside on different rhythms I know… but baby, we are our own beautiful mess.

I have only this life and I don’t want to spend it apologizing for feeling, regretting or running after people who don’t see me. But I promise you, you will see me as you never did before, and when that time comes, I will be unreachable. 

You will understand why the rain that is good if you wake up from your darkest dream and follow what scares you the must. 

I’m brave today because I believe in myself. I’m taking the chances that make me feel proud of who I am after you.

All I know is I don’t want this road to end

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You and your bad habits that I’m loving every time I see you lost in your thoughts.

Me and my bad habit of keep feeling when you are not listening my silent.

This night feels different. It’s cold outside and the rain started to fall, you are hugging me like you don’t want to lose me. Are you ok?

I know that tomorrow I will be filling my glass while you are out there looking for some trouble when with me, baby you have enough.

In your eyes, I can read passion, sadness, and hell.

Why every time I’m with you I feel the dust of your secrets starting to look like a rainy day?

I’m not going to lie you, you are my hallelujah.

We have been driving down this road for so long. Now you know the real me in every kiss, every hug, every wish, and every touch.

You know that my favorite shoes are my black Chucks, with them you gave me the best memories like when you put your windows down and the breeze messed up my hair during those late driving nights.

Sometimes I wish I know where have you been when you disappeared.

Our story is full of curves like these town, no straight roads. Let’s get lost after midnight and release the doubts.

You have me on hold for so long, you do not even know the power you have on me. You kept me living on the lip of insanity, but I like it.

The other night, I talked to him and I told him about you, I told him who you are, I told him who we are, and I told him why. He said: “What feels like the end is often the beginning but always take your chances and trust.”