A place call​ Angola, IN


It was on a Monday evening when I decided to go to visit “my brother from another mother”. I was not feeling myself for a few days, I was looking for a change, I was looking for some air.

My agenda is always busy from Monday through Friday. I know I need to take it slow but, how can I do that when I have so much to solve? For example, on Friday I went to a successful job interview but I ended up declining because the CEO did not ask me the most important question, “what is your status in the US?”, I was honest and I told him I cannot work, I was looking for an internship position, but he told me I do not need to worry about anything, they can “fix and help”…something inside of me told me “wait for something better”. I guess this is the every day of foreigners looking for an opportunity in this country, right?

Back to our subject, I started my road trip. First I stopped in  “Uncle Harry’s Old Fashioned Ice cream & Coffee” for a vanilla latte that was glorious. A trip that supposed to be 3 hours, became 4  hours because of the many  road constructions. I totally enjoyed the driving, a lot of country music and some weird Christian stations talking about God but in a fanatic way (do not get me wrong, I’m Catholic).

I was feeling free, I was feeling stronger. I was wishing my grandma (she is in Venezuela) could be there with me, I know she would have loooooove the scenic. There were cows every mile, I love seeing farms with red barns, it is like life is so natural and pure over there, like no worries, no pollution. 

I will tell you a secret, a part of me knows I’m always trying to arrange trips out of Chicago because I miss my family so much and the only thing that makes me fade the pain a little, is traveling.

When I finally arrived to Angola, funny because I only saw two signs the whole time with the name of this place, my brother was so happy to see me, he makes me feel special, he can be an asshole with the world, but with me, he is amazing. Since the first minute, we started to go around the town, I felt impressed with the look of the houses, some of them need a lot of work, the victorian style is getting opaque because of the lack of maintenance (my dream is to have some day a victorian house with a big bay window where I can drink my coffee in the morning and make it my reading spot).

We went to Pokagon State Park (sounds like Pokemon Go); amazing forest, tall trees that made me feel I was in Twilight. I did something that when I was a kid, my Mom prohibited. I found a wellspring and I drank water from it, was very hot and I  wanted to try. Then we went to Lake James… I just wished to have my swimming suit, what a place, the water looked so fresh. The houses around the lake were perfect for a family vacay and they are not expensive to rent.

But the best thing on this trip was the Amish town. OMG, I was so excited and happy to be there, always feel curious about them, even when I only saw them from distance riding bikes and on their carriage, I was feeling I was in a different place, like back in time, it’s something hard to explain, you must live it by yourself.

The time came and I needed it to go back, I had a really good time, I could not read, not even write, just took some notes but this getaway makes me refocus on my goals and I know even when it is not easy, I’m not going to stop until I get my chance. 

For now, I will say “Thanks Angola for what you did, I will see you soon”.

Only coffee, no sugar inside my cup…



Long were those nights when I thought we were together. 

I counted my footsteps on the sand the other day trying to find yours close to me, but you were not there.

I used to pray all day, all night for a whole month, for you, but I just noticed that the floor break deep… again.

My grandma said I lost my mind the day I met you, but how can I explain her this feeling that is something stronger than me? something out of this world, that is why I like you because you are different. You gave me colors and now I’m under the cold rain.

This is a game I cannot win, I’m not living the story I wanted it… I’m wondering which version of you I had when I kissed you after so long… 

do you remember?

Tonight, I’m letting you go dying from inside, trying not to come in tears. I’m forgetting how to breathe. I’m feeling it all.

Did you know I was feeling something real? I could have died for you, did you know? It is not that the meaning of life? Dying instead of the one you love?

I was driving home when I first cried, I should have known. I’m not regretting of what happened, but I should have listened when they said: “stay away, you are too good for him”.

It is fair to be played by your dark twisted love when I loved you so?

I do not want to keep walking between blurred lines… I will keep that letter you never received, you do not need to read the handwritten honest me.

Therefore, I will tell you a secret, you marked my soul.

Maybe it was real, in that moment when we were you and me… or maybe that is what I will tell myself forever to help me to sleep through the night.

Guns vs Society 


 I am in new coffee shop today drinking a cold green tea latte, tastes good but, it is not going to be one of my favorite for sure.

 This passed days, I have being watching too many news, I do not get how The Capital of the World is not safe as I though it should be before deciding to come here (back home it’s totally different but, come on USA, you can do better than this).

One time, I heard the mother in law of my boss talking about guns in a very impressive way. Why some Americans over react if someone know about guns or have guns in there house? I growed up in a military family, my grandfather was part of the air force and my dad is a wanna-be-soldier. Guns at my house were something OK, my mom always made sure we knew we do not touch then or even think about getting curious of how a gun work. And it is not because we were girls, was more about was correct and what was not, respect.

America is a country of 318,9 millions of people (Census of 2014). But, how many of them have guns? Sit tight my fellow readers, we are surrounded by 88.8 guns per 100 people.

The big question is, a gun control policy can stop the mass shootings we are living every day?

Back in 1995, former President Bill Clinton signed a “federal assault weapons ban law” that works pretty well but last only 10 years. Conceded by globalresearch.ca, during the 90’, the years with most shootings were 1991 with 8, and 1999 and 2012 with just 7.

Nowadays, we have count 208 shooting until June 26.

I started to think, what are the reason for a person to commit this type of crimes? What can motivate a person to harm innocents? Maybe could be impossible to find specific reasons for this behaviors , but if you ask my Grandma, she is going to say “the need moral values and religion”.

 How having a well formed family core can determine a person’s personality and behave? I am not a psychologist but I bet she is right. When you are raised with love and respect and for sure discipline, you will become a great human being. I remember when I was a child, we respected our Mom’s rules even when we were not agree, never yell at her and if we did something prohibit, we know the flip flop will flight to our heads (metaphorically speaking).  

Checking some past events and new ones, I knew that some of this shootings were not linked with gangs problems. I found an interview that was made to Adam Lankford, a criminal justice professor at the University of Alabama, where he suggested that big cause of this is the availability of guns, and “the American obsession with fame” (specially if the shooter is a young person).

I felt curious about what do I need to purchase a gun, and most of all, if me as an alien resident, a.k.a non-US citizen, is allowed to purchase a firearm.

Surpricely, the requirement are very easy. According with GatGuns.com,  any person can purchase a firearm as long as is 18 years age, had a FOID card, a driver license or state ID, and of course, a background check (What exactly do they check? Does not seems to be very efficient). And after 24 hours, BOOM, you are the owner of a handgun, rifle or a shotgun.

If you are wondering which type of gun you can buy, let’s get deeper. In 2010, the website Justfacts.com published a survey:  


Households With a Gun Adults Owning a Gun Adults Owning a Handgun


40-45% 30-34%


Number 47-53 million 70-80 million

40-45 million

When they were asked about what was the reason for keeping guns in their houses, most of them accorded with “self-protection”. But wait a minute, some of this guns are fully automatic guns that can shoot 100 rounds in 56 seconds; my question here is, why a regular person need that type of gun? To protect themselves from what, a zombie attack?

In an interview about this subject, to Mary Muscari, a forensic nurse at Binghamton University in New York, she were asked about what we can do to stop this madness. Her recommendation was, especially to the media, that we need to focus on the victims names and not on the name of the killers. This could help to reduce the anxiety of becoming a public figure to those who has a weak mind and have this terrible thoughts.

Knowing this, do you think we can find a safety measure anytime soon? People need to understand this is real life and all actions have consequences, life is not a reality show, they can end up dead by the law enforcements. 

I believe with an education, that starts at home, respecting your parents, respecting yourself, and why not, some religious believes, will change a person’s perspective of others and will have a positive impact on the society, we will be more tolerant and nice to each other.

Family is one of the pillars of any civilization, spend more time with your kids, concern about their fears, study they behave, pay attention when they are feeling frustrated, communicate each other, and remember,  saying “I love you” it is not enough, show it with actions, kids does not need material stuff, they just want our time.