Under a thousand stars

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Days and cold nights are making a nest on my bed, do you wanna know why? because I miss you.

Save me some kisses that makes the Earth stay still… like when you touch me under the stars.

Kiss me under the rain until my lips get numb from the freezing shadows… 

Make me yours tonight.
I know, I’m wasting the time that I no longer have… but you are worth it.

Should I stop? I’m smiling under my scars.

I wrote you a letter.

 I wish I could be next to you when you read it. I had it under my bed for so long waiting for the perfect moment, but the ink on my rib started to burn.

I have some extra time until my wound start bleeding again.

Sometimes I wonder if you wonder… have you ever wonder?

I remember your hands on my hips when we were dancing under the moon light, with the white smoke that tangled us.

I know days happened so fast, we are going away too, and faces are invisible in this city where I’m a stranger.
I’m here seeing you without being seeing, I’m here touching you, I’m here feeling you. Every night I have a new dream, and waking up every morning with your scent next to me, makes this emptiness the most real of my dreams.

Let’s go back in time, and let me say “thank you”. Thank you for looking at me that afternoon, thanks for being far from my fears, Thanks for give me the love I thought I deserved… a full love,  not an in pieces love…in a place where we are one.

A place call Charleston, IL

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I should start this lines telling you I have a lot of “brothers from another mother”. Being away from home allowed me to met the most genuinely human beings.

This is my story. I went to visit my brother Kahled (he is the greatest) in a place call Charleston (3 hours away from Chicago).

Was a friday afternoon, I wasn’t sure if I should go or not. Around 4pm I decided.I packed   a few things and hit the road. GSP was saying I was 4 hours away from there…SO FAR. But fucked it, it was my adventure.

If you are from Chicago, you know about this, getting out from the city took me one hour. When the highway started to get clear, the road became marvelous. 

Wide open fields with a sunset that can melt any heart. I don’t know WHY I didn’t take a picture, was terrific. The color of the sky was a mixed between orange, red, and pink, something magical.

While I was driving, I started to think, I was feeling free. I always wanted to do a road trip by myself. I spend my time singing country songs, I thought about how much I’m missing my family, and of course, I started to think about him… I’m tired of feeling like a gypsy.

 9:05pm, touchdown.

 I got to my brother’s house. We spend the night talking and watching movies. 

Another brother, Salem, came. I was so happy to see him, we used to be roommates. He brought us dessert, Basbousa (extremely good), and the chit chat got lit.

The next day I woke up at 11am, I took a shower and ready to explore. The boys cooked breakfast, scrambled egg with bread, and of course, coffee. 

The best part? I enjoyed drinking my coffee in a view worthy of a frame. The front yard felt so peaceful, a panoramic view of the woods.

The day started so, we roll. We drove around town, a very small town with wide streets, and victorian style houses. The main building of the EIU looks like a castle. The downtown was something you can walk in no more than 10min, I saw a couple of coffee shops and some restaurants. I was impressed with the fact that it was 1pm and the streets were empty… Am I in a ghost town?

Then… Charleston Lake. Looks like a water reserve, swimming it’s not allowed, and a few residents were fishing. Such a pleasant place… how can we feel so overwhelmed with our daily lives and forgot to breath?

On our way back, he took a different road, this one was busy with farms, and fields with horses (a lot of horses, no cows… weird right?).

To continue with this amazing day, we went fishing. He called his friends, and we made a group of 12. I had never fish in my life, was fun, but we didn’t catch anything. The boys planned a bbq for dinner… we ended up eating at 1.30am. I felt so jealous because this dudes know how to cook delicious food, and I’m still a baby in diapers with my kitchen skills.

On my last day, breakfast together, And a  few hours later, I was driving home.

Now, what did I learn on this trip? I must enjoy this kind of experiences, that’s why God is putting me on this direction. He has a plan for me, I just need to be patience. I have good friends, they are my family.

I know life give us ups and downs but we need to slow down and think, make decisions, make mistakes, because at the end we must do whatever makes us happy.

 

“Fire meet gasoline”

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Shhh … I do not want to wake up my love, sleep a little more.

I have been awake for one hour, I couldn’t sleep anymore, I realized today it’s the last day of this dream. 

Are you going to remember me when I’m gone?

I’m still not believing this. 

Do you want to know what I am feeling? Right here, in your arms… I feel completed.

I’m scared, please hold me tight, and make me believe. 

Are you going to let me go again?
How does it feel to be in love?

 I have being out of the road for so long, now I’m confused. I think when you love someone is when you want to give your everything.

How did I make it? 

 I used to pray for that night when I saw you after so long everyday. 

Do you know what you did? When you hug me, I felt how you collected all my broken pieces and reattached then again.

I’ve learned to know you again. Do you know who I am? I can feel how the time stopped between us, and it seems like we were never apart, and since the first moment you hold me, I knew I was Home.

I have tried many times to imitate my happiness with you, but that only gave me feigned loves and empty kisses.

 Why do you feel so real?

 I can see what I want right now… but I’m hopeless.

Keep sleeping hun I’m just going to whisper on your ear: “I’m just a girlstanding in front of a boyasking him to love me”.  

Can you feel me?

I want to belong. I know you know I pray every night, I know you know my wishes. I want my Wonderland, my forever. 

Can you walk this life with me?

I know who you are, you don’t have to pretend. Do you have any idea how much I trust you?

I want your hazelnut kisses every day but that tiny voice in my head keeps telling me to walk away.

I’m terrified that all those “I love you” and “I’ll miss you” will become just a memory. 

What do you want from me? 

Do you want me for who I am?

I’m worthy of all the good things in life…but for now, just kiss me and say goodbye.