Underground

Crawling at my feet, just like I wanted to see you.
You let me go … and now you’re coming back for more?
I’m sorry love. This time you will not going to have it easier.
You thought you were perfect, that I will need you, but I delete your toxic substance when I walked away, without turning back.
I’m not the same girl, you can not have me whenever you want, now it’s my turn. I learned to love myself when you did not teach me how to do it. This distance has help me to realized the power a women like me has on an empty men like you.
Are you nervous? Are you afraid if she find out? I could care less about you getting in trouble. Is my turn to pull the trigger and see who falls first. Do you feel the danger?
I’m no longer needing your medication on my nights; it only hurts when I’m  breathing. This is not a coincidence, I want this to die here, today, now.
Before you go down through that path you came, let’s get lost in the cloud of colors coming out from the light of your cigarette. 
Do you think I’m missing you? No baby … do not make me laugh. 
How can I loose something that was never mine?
But now you like it more, right? The taste of your pain is better than freshly brewed coffee in the morning.
It was fun to play, but I have to go. I’ll take a shower to give you some time to disappear. If you want to see me again, you have to smoke a little more and feel the memories in the air.
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Are you there?

Where did you go? Why you are not the same I fell in love with your calls at 2am in the morning just to tell me “wake up”? Where are your innocent eyes that told me everything without a word? How many times I have heard you said he robbed you your girl china? How many times did I shut myself in the closet to talk to you while my sister was sleeping?
As we grew up, we are not the same as before, everyone grabbed their own way, we live in different continents but still maintain contact and that kind of spark that always characterized us. Sometimes I wonder if this story will take another chapter or if the end was that night we spent together and we said goodbye.
Remember when you said you wanted to know what was going through my mind and you start to read my diary? The way you understand me was always unique even when you never tried to fit in my world… but I caught you right?
I remember telling my best friend that you were the love of my life that I will never forget, but someone came, and occupied your place but you still keeping your special place on me. Do you still want to be with me? Am I still want to be with you?
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I’m OK now

I will tell you what the song “The Heart Wants What It Wants” makes me feel, using some of her words and some of mine.

I’m still feeling it, but I discovered even when I don’t talk to you, that love that I felt…it’s almost gone.

You used to had me drowned on something that I can’t compare to anything I had lived before, or ever known. I was hoping that after that highness I survive, and I did. I know after you disappear I was acting crazy, you forgot to tell me how to breathe if you weren’t around. I prayed every night, before falling asleep, begging to God to help me to make it out of this alive.

I got used to feeling my bed cold, not even the next one made it warm, but I’m ok now. I learned that I don’t need another body to feel the life running through my veins. 

The future it’s clear, you are not there anymore. But my heart still beating fast when someone use your name… my whole world stops. 

I’m not going to fight for you anymore, I don’t need you for completing my fairy tale; there were millions of reasons for giving up but I always hold on to you because you took me as I am. I will always going to remember those breathless moments you gave me, I will use them to measure my next love. 

I know, from the button of my heart, the next one it’s going to be the last one. I know I will find him.

After you, they were just unsuccessful escapes. 

Like the song said “This is a modern fairy tale, No happy endings…” but I will never going to forget you, just you and I know was we did.

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