Falling in love sounds easy and it’s always risky but until you meet someone completely opposite from everything you know, you don’t know what you made of.
I am Catholic and the love for what I almost lose my mind is Muslim … Oh yes, Muslim! I didn’t know what I was getting into until I experienced the strongest feeling I had ever felt, with only remembering my chests hurts because I know I will never going to feel that heat again.
We met in Chicago while we were studying, we dated for a few months, I would have liked more time but the cultural differences began to cause problems.
That man from the beginning treated me like a princess, respected me, spoiled me, cared for me and above all, made me feel safe … which is what all women want, right? Feeling part of someone, where we can let our guard down.
His kisses made me feel such much passion running in my veins, so much energy that I became addicted to his lips.
Smooth black hair and the deepest black amber eyes, tanned skin, soft and full lips, thin nose, and a Mohawk that gave him a touch of bad boy, defined body and very good height (short girls love tall guys…so sexy).
Every time he approached, was magical… a slow motion, he used to took my head between his hands, kissed me gently with mischief. Biting my lips after each kiss was a normal behave. And he even taught me how to cook stuffed peppers.
But it was to good to be true.
From the beginning I knew that would only be a momentary thing; I never thought that I could fall for him. As a child, I heard stories that Arabs mistreats women. I was afraid, but today, I can say saudi men are charming.
I decided to take a chance for what I was feeling; if I was feeling good, why would end up been bad? I applied that idiom: “Better To Try And Fail Than Never To Try At All.”
My decision helped me to know myself better.
I’m thanking God to put this man in my way, although, sometimes I asked “Why we could not be together?” I got the most precious memories. I was lost for a while when I met him, and he brought me to life again.
Everything was extraordinary, his company, his kisses, etc. The day we spent our first night together was speechless. I can say like Ricardo Arjona’s song: “see the stars with your eyes closed.” He made love to me, the most enjoyable touch I’ve ever felt … he made me feel like the most beautiful woman, and from that day, I learned what it was to be in a relationship where two are making love, not just satisficing a need; I realized that making love is to feel every touch, every kiss, to feel how a pair of hands can burn my body, to feel how my guts melt every time we become one.
As the days passed, I started thinking, he was always making comments about been alone. He never said no to everything that I said, he was always willing to know the city with me, he was always wanting to do new things with me … but suddenly, he started to change when I wanted to share time with my friends too. He explained me that in his culture a man can be considered as excellent husband, lover, partner and a friend if the woman forgets about everything, even about her family, he must make her think that she just want to be with him. I felt that was a little bit selfish but in that moment I just politically smile to his comment. Like for example, one time we went for a walk after taking advantage of the good weather and we saw a woman in the street using her abayah (Islamic female attire that covers most of the body), he looked so excited, he said he respected and admired women who used it, his eyes were shining. From that moment I realized that I should have captured those signals before falling in love.
How you can feel so much for someone that you knew was not going to be in your future? We were 9 years apart, but when I was in his arms, age doesn’t exist, it was just a number, I felt that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with him, even knowing the religions obstacles.
Like a women, I thought I could make him change. The Islamic religion say that men can marry non-Muslim women as he can try to get her to turn to his religion, but for women is different, they only can marry with a Muslim men, all this it’s because the religion their children will take. One time I thought of leaving my religion for love, I just was curious about his world.
I have in my head every memorable word, every gesture … especially when he said: “I don’t know why but every time we make love, I feel like I love you more.” When we reached the end, it was the hardest moment, I don’t know how I didn’t cry, I was strong, I felt a great emptiness in my stomach, I felt I was losing a part of me, my better half. We didn’t hug for last time, something inside of me told me that moment would be the last time I could see his eyes, there was no turning back. I couldn’t fight to be with him because deep down I knew his world would not make me happy.
I just said to him: “Thank you for the joy, thank you for taught me how to read eyes, thanks for making me feel alive. You will always be my impossible love, I couldn’t make you feel part of me, and I couldn’t show you how much I love you because I knew one day I would have to let you go”.
As the days passed, I discovered he didn’t like that I have so many friends, especially more men than women. In our culture it is normal, I guess he never tried to open his mind as I did for him. I think friends are forever but boyfriends are maybe just for a while. Loves pass, but friends stay.
Now I ask you, would you be willing to change for love? My answer for this will be: it depends. We can twist our harms for certain things but changing all that we are or our essence for love, doesn’t look right. Family, God and friends are the most precious thing we have in this life, thanks to them we are here and we are who we are today.
Even if you know a love that makes you feel you’re in the clouds, think about the future, sometimes letting go is like swimming against the stream and reach the shore will make you too tired to try again. But who’s afraid? Let’s see what life brings us tomorrow, nothing is accidental, everything happens for a reason.