Ecstasy

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Long time no see this games… don’t you? You’re making my gaze becomes a little oriental with the sound of your voice.

A while ago you were the new hobby, you got me out of those wrap walls of melancholy, you opened the door for those things I swear I will never taste. From the hand of your kisses I discovered the sweet spice of forbidden without witnesses of a feeling. I read what you text every day and I’m trying to not answer… Do I want to fall again? Do I want to be your voluntary victim one more time? You’re stealing a smile with just a “good morning”, your “good afternoons” makes me loose my focus and at night I transform myself around what you were asking.

You’re that pending task hard to forget. You have the truth tattooed on your skin but you do not want to assumed, you are tempting me to make that trip to the afterlife where there’s no sanity.

You’re my unintelligent decision but at this point, I don’t care to be the common denominator of your many captures, you’ll only take the hours that I need to have what I want. Let’s escape in the middle of the night, no one will see us, only the moon will be the witness in this approximation … See you at the same place? You’re dangerous, you know you are stealing me that dream that you’re supposed to sell me.

What happen with the girl who never brake rules? You make me disappear from the map when I need to. Give me that synthetic flavor with colors that makes me soar, I’m starting to feel lost in your eyes totally different from my eternal black amber eyes, but I’ll be out as far as I know you want to keep me away from my reality.

In Love with a Muslim

Falling in love sounds easy and its always risky but until you met someone completely opposite from everything you know, you don’t know what are you made of.

I am Catholic and the love for what I almost lose my mind was Muslim … Oh yes, Muslim! I didn’t know what I was getting into until I experienced the strongest feeling I had ever felt so far, with only remembering that feeling my chest hurts because I know I  will never going to feel that heat again.

We met in Chicago while we were studying, we dated for a few months, I would have liked more time but the cultural differences began to cause problems.

That man from the beginning treated me like a princess, respected me, spoiled me, cared for me and above all, made me feel safe … which is what all women want, right? Feeling part of someone, where we can let our guard down.

His kisses made me feel such passion through my veins, so much energy that I became addicted to his lips.

Smooth black hair and the deepest black amber eyes, tanned skin, soft and full lips, thin nose, and with a Mohawk that gave him a touch of bad boy, defined body and very good height (petite girls loves tall guys…so sexy).

Every time he approached, was magical… a slow motion, he used to took my head in his hands, kissed me gently with a touch of mischief. Biting my lips after each kiss was a normal behave. He even taught me how to cook stuffed peppers.

Was to good to be true.

From the beginning I knew this would only be a momentary thing; I never thought that I could fall for him. As a child, I heard stories that the Arabs mistreats women, etc. I was afraid, but today, I can say saudi men are charm.

I decided to take a chance for what I was feeling; if I was feeling good, why would be end bad? I applied that idiom: “Better To Try And Fail Than Never To Try At All.”

My decision helped me to know myself better.

I thanking God to putting this man in my way, although, sometimes I asked “Why we could not be together?” The got the most precious memories on his side. I was lost for a while when I met him, and he brought me to life again.

Everything was extraordinary, his company, his kisses, etc. The day we spent our first night together was speechless. I can say like Ricardo Arjona in one of his songs: “see the stars with your eyes closed.” He made love to me, most enjoyable touch I’ve ever felt …  he made me feel like a woman, and from that day, I learned what it was to be in a relationship where two are making love, not just satisficing a need or please; I realized that making love is to feel every touch, every kiss, feel how a par of hands can burn my body, feel how your guts  melt every time you become one.

As the days passed, I was thinking, he always make comments to be alone, as a woman who thinks bad first, I always thought he just were looking for fun, I never paid attention. He never said no to everything that I said, he always wanted to know the city with me, he always wanted new sensations with me … but he start to change when I wanted to share time with my friends. He explained to me that his culture a man can be considered as excellent husband, lover, partner and a friend if the woman forgets everything, even her family, he must make her think just being with him. I felt that was a little selfish but in that moment I preferred politically smile to the comment. Like for example, one time we went for a walk after taking advantage of the good weather and we saw a woman in the street using her abayah (Islamic female attire that covers most of the body), he looked so excited, he said he respected and admired women who used it, his eyes were shining, I should capture those signals before falling in love.

How you can feel so much for someone that you knew was not going to be in your future? We were 9 years apart, but when I was in his arms, age doesn’t exist, it was just a number, I felt I wanted to spend the rest of my days with him, even knowing the religion stood.

Like a women, I thought I could make him change. The Islamic religion say that men can marry non-Muslim women as he can try to get her to turn to religion, but for women is different, they only can marry with a Muslim men, all this it’s because the religion their children will take. One time I thought of leaving my religion for love, but I just was curious about his world.

I have in my head every memorable word, every gesture … especially when he said: “I don’t know why but every time we make love, I feel like I love you more.” When we reached the end, it was the hardest moment, I don’t know how I didn’t cry, I was strong, I felt a great emptiness in my stomach, I felt I was losing a part of me, my better half. We didn’t hug for last time, something inside of me told me that moment would be the last time I will see his eyes, there was no turning back. I couldn’t fight to be with him because deep I knew his world would not make me happy.

I just said to him: “Thank you for the joy, thank you for taught me how to read eyes, thanks for making me feel alive. You will always be my impossible love, I couldn’t make you feel part of me, and I couldn’t show you how much I love you because I knew one day I have to let you go”.

As the days passed, I discovered he didn’t like that I have so many friends, especially more men than women. In our culture it is normal, I guess he never tried to open his mind as I did for him. I think friends are forever but boyfriends are maybe just for a while. Loves pass, but friends still.

Now I ask you, would you be willing to change for love? My answer for this will be: it depends. We can twist our harms for certain things but change all that we are or our essence for love, doesn’t look right. Family, God and friends are the most precious thing we have in this life, thanks to them we are here and we are who we are today.

Even if you know a love that makes you feel you’re in the clouds, think about the after, sometimes letting go is like swimming against the stream and reach the shore will make you too tired to try again. But who’s afraid? Let’s see what life brings us tomorrow, nothing is accidental, everything happens for a reason.

People change, but memories remain.Image

Let’s do this one more time

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Is start to getting dark, it’s raining outside, do you want to come? Sorry baby, but your time is running out.

Please, when you arrive, give me a kiss on my forehead, I need to feel you care about me.

Today we can dream, do you feel like everything is dying? Turn on the lights, let me see you this time, do you want to try? Don’t make me wait, my patience is dwindling and for sure, I will be the first to go.

You’re my clandestine adventure, my forbidden pleasure, today you can have me. We don’t speak about love, silence is the best friend of our feelings, but when you look at me, I can read you’re feeling, but you are scared. Do not surrender me your heart, I can break it.

You unlocked a passion in me that did not know was hidden in my veins. When you breathe close to my chest, we whisper an unspoken desire. Do I have to tell you or you are smart enough to read? You are so easy, but you don’t know which road you need to take.

You are my sin, I’m not asking for mercy, you’re more than a vice, and your fingers taste like the nectar of sweet revenge, a poison that is not lethal.

I asked for a wish before I left, but you weren’t there my last night. Maybe because wasn’t the end? This story has one more page? You want me but it’s not the same, you let someone to made me smile, you let me fall in love. He restored my broken wings before you, he gave me the reason to watch the sunrise from the balcony, bare my fears and showed me that fears are just the fear of failure and a fall will make me stronger because I can rise again.

The night is here, can you see me? Come here, come into my sheets but don’t talk, I don’t want to hear you, just kiss me and let me feel loved again. Let’s turn off the world and for one more night, let’s pretend we don’t care.

Starting with no future

In your eyes I can recognize that innocence that I lost a few years ago. In the sweetness of your lips I can taste the nectar of the unknown.

Where did you come from and why you are here? Should I learn some lesson from you? How long are you gonna stay?Just one look it’s enough to understand how the promises fade away without being pronounced. Especially in these days, when people only love when is dark at the edge of a glass of alcohol.

How many loves we remember with a the sigh of a song?

Do you know what I want every time you hug me? Spend my time seeing your eyes, stay into your arms, but a constant thought eats my thirst for love .

I’m in the desert and you ‘re giving me the Olive shade and tenderness that intoxicates me, I feel it like a light in my darkness, I would ask you for a while how longer arre you gonna be able to love in a slowly way. Am I allow to touch your scar and make you bleed one more time?

My grandmother once told me that after all that I lived there’s and ever after, but after him, I dont know how to feel again …  Are you gonna the one who will return me to life?

Let’s make of this chapter an endless story , make a dream with no end , just hold me tight and do not let me go even when we already know that we’re not going anywhere.

Spring by the Sea

Do you know how much I love to be into your arms? Do you know how much your essence makes me feel “I’m home”? Maybe you don’t realize how good you do on me because I don’t know exactly who you are for me, I just know I don’t want you far away.

I wish you could be more me and less your world. You made me asked to life, “Why him?”

A year ago you were there for me when my heart was devastated, when I was broken, when I wanted to die; you were there when I didn’t have a place to go, you were there when I felt so scare to believe, you were there when I needed that warm hug that brought me into life.

His shadow still here, he stills in my veins. He is so deep into my skin that not even your skin defeated his sweat. But when you wake me up is where I want to belong. You are my safeness, the untold wish “stay and never leave”.

I can’t promise you I will not hurt you, I can promise you it is going to be worthy. I’m not the girl you need, I’m the girl you wish can be yours, I will make you feel you belong to us, to me. You are my savior, my special place where I can run and forget what scares me, you gave me hopes… why don’t you stay?Image

God’s time is PERFECT

How all this started? When I started to feel awake? I was in a deep sleep or was my excuse to avoid reality?

I began this journey when I realized I wasn’t breathing, I couldn’t breathe. My destiny changed forever the day I said bye to you.

I know it’s hard to talk about this, to talk about us, to talk about you… but I’m sorry, it was real , you left me with no hopes, I gave you my best , I gave you my best years, and I only asked you to love me in return… I deserved. I never felt complete on your side, I always felt something was missing, but at the same time, when I was in your arms I was safe. It was difficult to understand? It was someone else fault? The problem was you or it was me? It was only me with that feeling of emptiness?

I found a little of happiness when you were smiling in our lie, just with the fact that you were ok, it was enough for me. Were your eyes lying? I only asked you to make me feel desirable, pretty, smart. You knew I was there for you; do you know what was the hardest part of been together? When I needed a word of encouragement, and you weren’t there, you just created a wound on my chest. Don’t worry, those wounds have healed now. I can confess you something; I cannot stop wondering if I lost my time with you, 10 years… I guess only God knows that answer.

Thanks to your cool bed, I discovered who I didn’t want it to be in the arms of others. You were my life and I always thought you were the one. After all this time, I thank God because you did not change how I asked you. I was a coward, I did not react on time, but what was time between you and me? We were always there. Thanks for the experiences, thanks for taking care of me more as a sister than your woman; today I realized that the best could had happened for us was to break up, we weren’t happy, I wasn’t happy.

Here, far from everything, was where I met the love I always dreamed, but didn’t turn like the love you found after me, but he made me see I can be loved and I’m worthy as a woman.

Today I am stronger thanks to both. I’ve healed, you’re successfully disappear from my heart … you are now just a chapter in one of my stories.

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